covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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