The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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