Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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