when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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