god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
