Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
