I feel great
I just peed on a car
Michael Bay diarrhea
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
