I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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