ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
