the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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