Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
