you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize