I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
