I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Boobs are out for the taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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