I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i now understand why vodka
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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