her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
