party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
