; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
