i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
