Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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