Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
