I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
