I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
