Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
