got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
