Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
