I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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