I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
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What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
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I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her