Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
