Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.