i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
