ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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