Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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