guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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