I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Who died my cat blue again?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
