I hope mine doesn't look like that
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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