She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
