I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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