Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
