You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
