Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
