I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
