please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
