Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
