i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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