I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
