Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
