Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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