she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
