Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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