FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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