The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
