you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
