I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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