my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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