I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
