the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
