the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
