I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
