I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
