i permit you to call me
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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