So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
