Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina