Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
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She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
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Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."