Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
