You smell like a Billy Joel song
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
