This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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