in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
