At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
