i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
