Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
