I haven't been this sober since birth.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
