If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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