i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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