She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
